Quite often people will say after cancer treatment ends, ‘I was thought I was doing really well, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, boom! – an event, or something in the news will shake me, and take me back to a dark place’
A couple of things have happened this week that have really made me reflect on this. And first one was the death of somebody I didn’t know and had never met, Jacqueline Gold an amazing woman who was in the public eye, who died of breast cancer after a long battle. I know several other cancer survivors will relate to this. When you see somebody well known who you think has got a seemingly wonderful life, maybe they’re rich, famous, good looking , and they look like they have a perfect life (even though we know there’s no such thing) And then they become very ill, or they sadly die from cancer, that can be such a jolt to your system.
A stark reminder, as if we needed it, that cancer is everywhere, it doesn’t discriminate and money can’t cure it.
I think part of the problem is we see people in the public domain, and we know so much about their personal life, sometimes it’s almost as if we know them. I remember when Princess Diana died, and that really affected me, I felt I knew more about her family and personal life and about her children than I do with a lot of my close friends. And so it’s not that surprising to think that when somebody in the public eye dies, it can have such a profound effect on us.
Unfortunately illness and untimely deaths are all woven into life’s rich tapestry. Sadly, some people that we know, will die way before their time, before they make it what we consider old age, which is always sad but at least feels like the ‘right’ time, like they had enough years on this earth.
But where do we go with that? And how can we stop that from completely derailing us? How do we stop those feelings that can lead us into a spiral of dark thoughts and depression?
What can we do really to protect ourselves from becoming overwhelmed by these feelings?
Triggered by Mother’s Day
Another recent event was Mother’s Day in the UK. And for those of us who are lucky enough to have children, that’s a wonderful time to get cards and presents and hopefully enjoy a nice day where your children spend time with you and acknowledge all the things you’ve done for them.
But for many people, it can trigger a lot of emotions about the relationships that they had, or they didn’t have, with their own mother. And I know how that feels, I had a difficult relationship with my mother. We were estranged for many years. It’s a long story I won’t go into that now. But I can certainly relate to how people see almost like a fairy tale of how a mother ‘should be’. Or they might see their friends, as I did as a child, with their caring, warm mothers who had a loving and close relationship. And that made me feel very sad and subconsciously like it was my fault, as if I didn’t deserve that love, and for a long time I felt it was because there was something wrong with me.
I’ve made peace with that now, after many years, and a lot of therapy I can see that my mother was doing the best she could with what she had. No one had taught her how to mother. The anger and hurt I felt is now replaced by compassion for a woman who had a sad and lonely life.
I also know quite a few people who wanted to be mothers, and we’re not able to be. There are a lot of different experiences and stories going on behind Mother’s Day, some happy, some absolutely heart-breaking.
If you are reading this, I do hope that you’ve had a good relationship with your mother or that you are a good mother. But if you’re not in that place, let’s reflect on what I’ve written and talked about before.
It’s not the event, it’s what you make it mean.
So for me, as a little girl and not being close to my mother, and being very jealous of my friends, who were close to theirs, who got the love I yearned for, for many years I made that mean that there was something wrong with me. Maybe I didn’t deserve that love. Maybe I wasn’t good enough.
It took me quite a long time to get over that, many years of unhappiness over how I felt. And I worked with a coach and I worked with the therapists with through some of the feelings that I had of not feeling worthy. But I now realise that I’ve got a choice. That’s my personal story, but I share it as it realize now it’s all too common.
So going back to what triggers us, and what can we do when we feel that we’re being triggered? Most of us in our everyday life get triggered by something, sometimes it can be quite irrational. So you may hear a phrase, or hear a piece of music or you’ll see something in a film. And it really just takes you back to a place in time. These feelings can be very powerful and debilitating if we don’t deal with them.
Why is it so hard to move forwards when treatment ends?
For some people with a cancer diagnosis it is very similar to post traumatic stress disorder. PTSD, people are talking more and more about that now, because it’s more understood than it used to be in the past, that when you’ve been through a very traumatic event, even years after the event, when you think you’ve dealt with it, you’ve put it away, it’s in the past, and now you’re moving on. But your mind still has too many painful memories and feelings that can hurt us.
And people think that that after a cancer diagnosis, when you’ve had your treatment, perhaps you are ‘cured’ declared ‘No evidence of Disease’ or even told to celebrate because you are in remission.
But now you are in uncharted territory, as you start your new life. You may expect to feel invincible, I know I did. But the reality did not match my expectations for many years.
Quite often, it can be a very small event, it could be somebody in the public eye getting cancer, it could be something a story on a film or TV programme, it could be as routine as going back to hospital for scans that causes anxiety, or ‘scanxiety’ and worry about having to go for check-ups.
There are a lot of things that can bring back those feelings, those feelings that may include fear, panic, sleeplessness, worry, and anger, things that can seem to be outside of our control. So what can we do?
I’ve spent a lot of time studying this, based on my own personal experience, also with many people that I’ve worked with who have struggled after a cancer diagnosis, to learn some strategies to cope with this.
Becoming Aware of your Triggers
Well, the first thing is really to become aware of these feelings, and become aware of what is triggering you, because we’re all different, we’ve all got our different stories, you’re not wrong or right, you are unique, and so maybe a unique set of things that may trigger you. And that’s nothing wrong with you, you just need to be aware of it. Because once you’re aware of it, we can think about some coping strategies for things that are going to come up in the future. Because unless you live in a cave, and you don’t have any contact with anybody else, things will come up in the future that may well trigger you again.
Building Resilience
Building your resilience is a way to take back your power, to take your feelings that are valid, there’s nothing wrong with them, but to understand where they come from. And, to get those feelings working for you, not against you, putting you in a place of feeling empowered, rather than feeling helpless, and afraid and lost. Because you’re not lost my love, you may be going through a difficult time. That’s completely understandable, given what you’ve been through. Whatever your circumstances in life, nobody gets an easy ride. Particularly if you’ve been through a cancer diagnosis, the treatment and the unknown territory you are navigating when your treatment ends.
I was so confused, feeling like, ‘I’m not really sure what I do with my life now, I’m not really sure why I feel so bad. Why do I feel so bad? Everyone’s telling me I should feel amazing, and I don’t.’
It’s recognising those feelings. I’ve talked before about stress, and about that fight or flight response that we all have. And that’s your body’s very clever way of keeping you safe. And sometimes these triggering feelings are just keeping you safe, your subconscious mind is saying– ‘remember that thing that happened? Well, you just need to be careful, it doesn’t happen to you again’.
But unless you are being chased by an animal, unless you’re in physical danger, the danger is imagined, things that have not even happened yet. So we need some coping strategies to deal with that.
One thing I’ve learned to do when I realise this is happening is to take some time out. Take some time for yourself, step back, take a deep breath. Hopefully, you’ve got some good relaxation techniques, maybe a meditation, or some deep breathing, there is tons of stuff like this on YouTube, find an instructor you like and follow them.
I’ve struggled with being able to meditate but one thing that worked for me was looking at a candle and just watching the flame.
Another thing that you can do if you’re feeling triggered, is to call someone and hopefully you’ve got a good coach or you’ve got good therapist, somebody that you can just talk to about these feelings, somebody that you can trust. If you haven’t, you’ve got me, you know that you can ping me a message.
And part of your response just being human, you’re empathetic person. You’re feeling sympathy for that person and that’s good and sometimes, a little bit of a cry can be good but just don’t stay there, don’t allow yourself to get into a spiral of depression, which has happened to me before. And it’s, it’s can be a tough place to get out of.
Changing your state
Another thing is to change your state. Tony Robbins talks about this a lot, moving your body is a great way of changing your state. Simply changing your posture can make a huge difference to your mental state, trying standing up tall and adopt the stance of a happy confident person, it really helps.
Some people like to go for a run. I’m not particularly a runner, but I love to dance, put some music on even if you’re on your own in your bedroom, in your kitchen, put some music and have a dance for five or ten minutes, and it will change your state. It really will allow you to think about something else, put on some music that makes you feel happy.
Don’t stress about becoming an uncaring, unfeeling person, you are caring for YOU. This is all about your self protection.
I’d really like to think about why you get triggered by events, just try and be quite detached from this reflection. Don’t try and analyse yourself, don’t tell yourself, you are wrong, though. Don’t tell yourself there is something wrong with you, because you’re just human. Think about what you can do to cope, because these feelings are going to come up again. There will be things that come up in life that could knock you back, that will all of a sudden just sometimes come out of nowhere. And it still happens to me. And sometimes it’s something really deep in your unconscious that you thought you dealt with. And it can be from many years ago, but it comes back. And that’s okay, as long as you don’t let it hurt you. You just understand it, and thank it for the lesson.
My mantras now include : I’m so grateful that I’ve learned how to control my feelings. I’m so grateful that I’ve got good friend that I can speak to. I’m so grateful that I’ve got a good coach that will help me and guide me and put me in the right direction.
Am I grateful for my cancer diagnosis?
And it might be a stretch too far just to say, that I’m actually grateful for my illness, but I am grateful for the lessons I have learned while I rebuilt my life, and the clarity that I now have on what is important and what is not worth worrying about.
I didn’t want to get cancer, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody, but I am grateful for my second chance at life. And I have learned that putting me first is not selfish, doesn’t make me narcissistic or a bad person. It makes me somebody who is worthy and worthwhile.
And if you’re reading this, I just want to say thank you so much. It means the world to me.
Please get in touch. If I can help you in any way at all.
Stay safe, stay sane!
I’d love to send you a free gift – from my heart to your heart – click below to get my book, Confidence after Cancer:click here to get your free bookGabby x
How are you? If you are from England like me, your instinct is probably to reply ‘I’m fine thanks’. That’s good manners right? And as a recovering people pleaser, I always want to be polite.
But really – how are you? I want to know.
I’m asking because there is so much uncertainty in the world right now, and a lot of people I talk to are struggling.
We’ve been living in turbulent times these past two years. It’s no surprise if you’re feeling shaken.
When you’re surrounded by circumstances you can’t control, it’s easy for anxiety to creep into your body—clouding your mind, unsettling your stomach and tensing up your muscles.
So what can you do? This short video has a quick tip that has worked for me and many people I know.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me.
I’d love to send you a free gift – from my heart to your heart – click below to get my book, Confidence after Cancer:
Let me know what you think. Tell me what works for you. If you have anything at all on your mind that you need help with, get in touch. I’m a good listener, and here for you.
Feeling down during the winter months is a common experience for many people and is often associated with a condition known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). For many others it’s not so much a condition, more of a feeling that life can be hard, and lacking enjoyment.
Changing our habits and lifting ourselves up might seem appealing, but lack of energy and motivation can make that seem difficult.
When I work with clients who struggle to motivate themselves, I would never tell them what they ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do.
However this is a list I can invite you to pick and choose from – no matter how down you may be feeling, I’m sure that you can find something in this list that you could try, and that would bring some much needed joy into your life.
Listen to your favourite music. – find or create a playlist of songs you love
Take a walk in nature – getting outside for 30 mins has so many health benefits
Practice deep breathing exercises.
Exercise or engage in physical activity – there is so much YouTube – yoga, pilates and more high intensity, depending on what you enjoy
Watch a funny movie or TV show.
Connect with a friend or loved one.
Practice mindfulness or meditation.
Write in a gratitude journal.
Engage in a creative activity, like drawing or writing.
Read a book that brings you joy.
Take a break from technology, a digital detox can do you the world of good.
Do something kind for someone else.
Spend time with pets.
Try a new hobby or activity.
Get a good night’s sleep – fresh bedding and a lavender pillow spray works for me
Cook or bake a favourite recipe.
Take a warm bath or shower.
Watch a sunset or sunrise.
Plan a future trip or adventure.
Declutter and organize your space.
Dance to your favourite music.
Practice positive affirmations.
Volunteer for a cause you care about.
Spend time in natural sunlight.
Learn something new.
Treat yourself to a favourite treat or snack.
Do a random act of kindness.
Practice yoga.
Unfollow negative people on social media
Play a board game or card game.
Visit a museum or art gallery.
Take a nap.
Attend a live performance or concert.
Watch a motivational TED talk.
Engage in a puzzle or brain teaser.
Reflect on past achievements.
Plan a self-care day.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Practice progressive muscle relaxation.
Write down your goals and aspirations.
Go for a bike ride.
Try aromatherapy with essential oils.
Do a digital detox.
Laugh – watch a comedy special or stand-up.
Plant flowers or herbs.
Watch cute animal videos.
Connect with your spiritual side.
Create a vision board – I love this and look at mine every day
Attend a laughter yoga class.
Embrace the power of positive thinking.
Remember, everyone is different, so it’s essential to find what works best for you. Experiment with different activities and routines to discover what brings you the most joy and helps lift your mood.
The most important thing to remember when you feeling low is to be very kind to yourself – your self care is paramount at times like this. Treat yourself like you would a sick child – nurturing and loving – yes you are allowed to be loving to yourself.
And if you need someone to talk to – I’m here for you , contact me if you would like to work with me, I’m here for you
A recent comprehensive study conducted by Newcastle University, involving over 90,000 British adults, has unveiled seven key lifestyle adjustments that can significantly diminish the risk of cancer. The study, published in BMC Medicine, focused on the correlation between adherence to specific guidelines and cancer risk, utilizing data from participants aged around 56. The subjects were evaluated based on their adherence to the 2018 guidelines from the World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) and the American Institute for Cancer Research.
Utilizing self-reported dietary and physical activity data, along with participants’ BMI and waist measurements, researchers scored adherence on a scale of seven. Those with a score of 4.5 points or above exhibited a 16% lower risk of all cancers combined compared to those with scores of 3.5 points or less. Additionally, each one-point increase in the adherence score correlated with a 10% lower risk of breast cancer, a 10% lower risk of colorectal cancer, and various other substantial risk reductions for different cancer types.
Dr. Fiona Malcolmson, a Lecturer in Human Nutrition at Newcastle University, emphasized the significance of the study’s findings. She stated, “Our study suggests that following the WCRF/AICR lifestyle-based Cancer Prevention Recommendations is associated with lowering our risk of cancer, especially for prevalent cancers such as breast and bowel cancer.”
The study distilled these findings into seven practical tips for individuals looking to reduce their cancer risk:
1. **Maintain a Healthy Weight:**
– Staying within a healthy weight range can protect against up to 13 types of cancer, as obesity increases the likelihood of cancer cell development. Portion control is recommended as a starting point.
2. **Stay Physically Active:**
– Incorporating regular physical activity into daily routines significantly reduces the risk of developing bowel, breast, and womb cancer. Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate activity per week.
3. **Eat a Better Diet:**
– Make whole grains, vegetables, fruit, and pulses a major part of your daily diet, with lean meat, poultry, or fish as supplementary components.
4. **Ditch the Fast Food:**
– Minimize consumption of high-fat, starchy, and sugary fast foods, as they are linked to an increased risk of cancer.
5. **Avoid Highly Processed Meat:**
– Processed meat, especially for bowel cancer, should be avoided. Limit red meat intake to three portions per week.
6. **No Sugary Drinks:**
– Sugary drinks contribute to cancer-causing weight gain. Opt for water, tea, coffee, or limited servings of fruit juice as alternatives.
7. **Keep Alcohol Consumption to a Minimum:**
– Alcohol consumption is associated with an increased risk of various cancers. It’s advised to follow NHS guidelines, limiting alcohol intake to no more than 14 units per week, spread across three days or more.
The good news is that these are all simple steps that anyone can follow – and I remember the 80/20 rule I learned as part of my nutritional healing training ; as long as you follow the guidelines 80% of the time – the remaining 20% you can enjoy a treat – in moderation! I’ve just had a very indulgent weekend, good times with friends and family, excellent food, plenty of wine and cocktails. It was lush and I enjoyed it all with no guilt, and tomorrow I start a new week, being mindful of these very easy guidelines.
Thanks for reading – it means a lot – any questions – get in touch, I’d love to hear from you
This photo is from yesterday – getting in the festive spirit!
In this week’s blog post I’m reflecting on a conversation I had with the fabulous Karin Del Maestro. Like me she is a coach who supports people when cancer treatment ends.
We had so much in common, not just a breast cancer diagnosis, but we both used our time when treatment was over to reflect on how we had been living. No judgement, no regrets, just accepting and understanding the mistakes that we had made, and curiosity about how we had gone from feeling like we were in control of lives, to realising that some of our habits were not serving us well. We were staring our own mortality in the face, and we had to change. It literally became a matter of life and death for us to wake up and realise we had the power to take charge of our health and happiness.
We are both reformed people pleasers, who were sick and tired of the hamster wheel of life we had found ourselves on. Through a lot of work, and study, and talking, and connecting with people who are experts in various fields of wellness and nutrition – we are both enjoying Post Traumatic Growth.
It’s not always been easy, and our paths have taken many twists and turns, some lessons have been hard to learn, especially about other people.
But what we both know now is that change is possible, it can be beautiful and can help you create a life that was even better than before, and sharing what we have learned is the reason that we survived. I hope you enjoy listening to this podcast, full of hope. And we all need that
Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect it. For many women, one such curveball is a cancer diagnosis. The journey from diagnosis to recovery is challenging, physically and emotionally. But what happens when the battle is over, and it’s time to return to the workplace? This blog explores the aspects to consider of women who have faced cancer head-on and emerged stronger, ready to rejoin the workforce.
The trauma of diagnosis and treatment
A cancer diagnosis is a life-altering moment. It forces individuals to confront their mortality, re-evaluate their priorities, and summon unimaginable strength. Women diagnosed with cancer often undergo gruelling treatments, which can take a physical and emotional toll. However, their determination to survive and thrive is awe-inspiring to others, to the woman talk of courage, bravery and positivity can be jarring, their experience may be very different behind closed doors, to the brave face they show to the world.
The Pause: Taking Time Off Work
During cancer treatment, many women take a temporary hiatus from their careers. This pause serves as a time for healing, reflection, and regaining strength. It can range from a few months to several years, depending on the individual’s diagnosis and treatment plan. But many women return to the workplace very different people with a new perspective, what if the stress made them ill? What if having a career is not what lights them up any more? Loss of identity is common and can be distressing and confusing.
The Support System
Returning to work after cancer is a significant transition, and it’s often made smoother by the support of family, friends, and employers. Companies that offer flexible work arrangements, extended medical leave, and emotional support are essential in helping women reintegrate into the workforce.
Rebuilding Confidence
Cancer treatment can take a toll on one’s self-esteem and body image. The physical changes that result from treatment can be challenging to navigate. However, many women find the strength to embrace their new selves, often emerging with a newfound sense of resilience and confidence. But this can also be a time when very strong women need support, more than ever.
Redefining Success
Cancer survivors often have a unique perspective on life. Many women returning to work after cancer find that their priorities have shifted. They may focus more on work-life balance, mental health, and finding a sense of purpose in their careers. They may also recognise that they need to set boundaries, the realisation that life is short can radically shift a definition of what success actually means to them.
The Power of Advocacy
Some women who have faced cancer choose to become advocates for cancer awareness and research. Their personal experiences make them passionate advocates who work tirelessly to improve the lives of others affected by this disease.
Inspiring Others
The stories of women returning to the workplace after cancer can be a source of inspiration for coworkers, friends, and family. Their resilience, determination, and ability to overcome adversity remind us all of the strength of the human spirit. The expectation of being triumphant and having ‘won the battle’ can also become a burden for some.
Employers’ Role
Employers play a pivotal role in facilitating the return of cancer survivors to the workplace. By implementing policies that support employees during and after treatment, they can create a more inclusive and compassionate work environment.
Conclusion
The journey of women returning to the workplace after battling cancer is a testament to the power of the human spirit. These women face unimaginable challenges, but they may emerge stronger, with a renewed sense of purpose and determination. Their stories inspire us all to be more compassionate, understanding, and supportive, not only in the workplace but in every aspect of life. As a society, we can learn from their experiences and work together to create a more inclusive and supportive world for all.
If women are not experiencing a smooth return to work, especially when all the support available during treatment fades away, they may need a different kind of emotional and practical support to ensure a happy and positive return to work.
Quote – ‘No man steps into the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man’ (or woman!)
Breast Cancer Awareness Month, observed every October, is a significant time for raising awareness about breast cancer, promoting early detection, and supporting survivors. While it’s a vital period for educating the public about this widespread disease, it can also be a triggering and emotionally challenging time for breast cancer survivors. In this blog, we will explore some of the October triggers for breast cancer survivors and offer strategies to help them navigate this month with grace and resilience.
Pink Ribbons Everywhere:
During Breast Cancer Awareness Month, pink ribbons and pink-themed merchandise flood the market. While these symbols are meant to show support for survivors and patients, they can inadvertently remind survivors of their own battles. The abundance of pink can trigger painful memories and emotions.
Survivor’s Strategy: Embrace or avoid the pink wave, depending on your personal comfort. You can choose to participate actively in awareness events, or you can give yourself permission to step back if it feels overwhelming.
Media Coverage:
Media outlets often spotlight stories of breast cancer survivors and patients during October. These stories can be inspiring, but they can also be emotionally triggering for survivors. The constant stream of breast cancer narratives can remind survivors of their own journey and bring up difficult emotions.
Survivor’s Strategy: Be selective about the media you consume during October. Choose to watch or read stories that uplift and inspire you, and remember that it’s okay to step away from triggering content.
Fundraising Appeals:
Charities and organizations dedicated to breast cancer awareness and research launch fundraising campaigns during October. While these campaigns are essential for progress in the fight against breast cancer, survivors may feel pressured to contribute financially, even when it may not be feasible due to their own medical expenses.
Survivor’s Strategy: Consider setting a budget for charitable donations, and focus on organizations that resonate with you personally. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t contribute financially; your journey and experiences are valuable contributions to the cause.
Annual Check-Up Anxiety:
Many survivors experience heightened anxiety leading up to their annual check-ups, which often fall during or near Breast Cancer Awareness Month. These check-ups can be a source of anxiety as they bring back memories of the initial diagnosis and treatment.
Survivor’s Strategy: Communicate openly with your healthcare team about your fears and anxieties. They can provide reassurance, offer coping strategies, and adjust the timing of your check-up if necessary to alleviate stress.
Support Group Stress:
Support groups can be immensely helpful for survivors, but they may become overwhelming during October. Increased participation and emotional discussions about breast cancer can intensify feelings of anxiety and sadness.
Survivor’s Strategy: It’s essential to communicate with your support group about your feelings and concerns. Consider scheduling one-on-one conversations or private meetings with a trusted member to maintain your support while managing triggers.
Conclusion:
Breast Cancer Awareness Month is a time of mixed emotions for breast cancer survivors. While it serves as a powerful reminder of the challenges they’ve overcome, it can also be emotionally triggering. Survivors should prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and seek support when needed to navigate October triggers with strength and resilience. Remember that your journey as a survivor is a testament to your courage and strength, and you have a community of support to lean on during this challenging month.
Hello there, I hope this finds you well. This week, I’m going to talk about a subject I’ve posted about before, which is stress management. I’ve talked before about how for cancer
prevention and looking after yourself after a cancer diagnosis, managing your stress is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. If you are a cancer survivor, as most of my readers are, none of us probably know exactly what caused our cancer. But you can bet your life most people I speak to will tell me at some point in the run up to their diagnosis, or the way they’ve been living for months, maybe sometimes years before a diagnosis, stress was playing
a major part in that. So for me, as part of my recovery plan, I’m very conscious of the fact I need to manage my stress, and I must not allow myself to get stressed out anymore (I’m human and some days are easier than others I will be honest)
I’m going to take you through three top tips for you. I’m hoping these are useful for you. As always, there’s no judgement here. I’m not telling you what to do. I’m saying these are three things that worked for me. Maybe they’ll work for you?
1, Taking a break. I think this is something that we all know we
should do. But how often do you really take a break? If you are working, as a
lot of people are, looking at a screen all day, health and safety regulations
will tell you it’s a good thing to get up and walk around, look away from your
screen at least once an hour. You should look at the horizon, look at something
far away.
Sitting at a screen is not good for you, we underestimate the
damage it is doing to our bodies, and our minds. There are numerous studies and
articles proclaiming that ‘sitting is the new smoking’, In other words
it’s very harmful to our health, and we probably underestimate the damage it is
doing to us. Our bodies were designed to move, if we don’t remember this we are
storing up trouble for the future.
Whatever your lifestyle, whatever your routines and are, taking a break is essential for your well being and for your stress management. Recently I was very lucky, my husband
arranged for me as a birthday treat, it was a surprise, just three days away
for a weekend in Whitby in North Yorkshire. We didn’t have to go too far. It
took us just over two hours to get there. And oh my goodness, it was just like
being in a different world, away from the home and the every chores that we all
do. We left those behind us for three days, we spent time together, we spent a
lot of time outside. Luckily, the weather was absolutely glorious. So we did
some coastal walks along the coast in Whitby, which was absolutely stunning, it
was so beautiful. But to be honest, whatever the weather, and wherever we were
just getting outside, getting some fresh air, getting some exercise is such a
good thing to do for yourself. It’s a real treat. And so just for once not
worrying about what we ate, you know, the healthy eating routines we have we
put to one side, we were treating ourselves to a lot of carbs, some lovely fish
and chips, we found another shop that had been recommended to us where they did
a wonderful pie and mash. We went for an Italian meal and had a lot of pasta. Just
pure indulgence just for three days. And it’s not something probably
sustainable for a long time. But for just a few days of a break, of putting our normal routines to one side, not having to set the alarm clock not having to get up or be anywhere or no
commitments other than to ourselves of having a really nice time. And truly
being present with each other, it felt so good. It felt like we’ve been away
for ages. Often you don’t realise how busy you are, or how stressed you are,
until you stop. It was literally a breath of fresh air to get to the seaside, to take in the sea air, to do the coastal walks was just absolutely
wonderful. So that’s something I’m trying to bring back now into my everyday
life. Now were back home to life in the suburbs of Manchester, I’m trying to
keep that good felling alive. So today we’ve been for a long walk, not quite as
pretty as Whitby, but we walked to our local park, near to where we live. So
that’s the first tip I’d give you is to schedule in regular breaks.
2. New experiences
The second tip that’s really good for your stress management is
just making changes to your usual routine, just mixing it up a bit. As I said
we’ve never been to Whitby before, it was a new experience for us. We went some
lovely places we’ve never been before, we explored the ruins of the Abbey which
was very interesting and visually stunning. New experiences are a really good
thing for your mind, body and soul. So I’m inviting you to think about what new
experiences could you do for yourself to help you manage your stress and again,
we’re all individuals, it depends what floats your boat, whatever you would like
to do.
So this week, I have booked in for a new thing for me, which is to have a gong bath at a lovely yoga centre in my town, It’s a bit like a meditation where you go into the studio that has a big Gong and you lie down in the quiet, in the dark and listen to the sounds of the gong and the vibration that it makes is apparently is very relaxing. I’m going to go in comfortable
clothes so that I’m hoping to come back in a very relaxed state that I will be ready for bed, I’ll be completely stress free, and living in the moment when I
come back. So really looking forward to that.
3. Make time for Self Care
The third tip I’m going to give you, and this is so important, and
I repeatedly talk and write about self care. And I’m going to keep talking
about self care, because it comes up time and time again, with everybody that
I’m speaking to, and almost nearly everybody that I’m working with. So often I
will ask about their self care, and what are they doing? And quite often the answer
is ‘Oh yeah, I know, I should do that, I just never have time’.
But if you know you should do it, why aren’t you making time for
it? Life is busy, I get that. I’m not here to tell you off. I’m here to say, if
you don’t take care of yourself on a day to day basis, please don’t wait until
you get a serious diagnosis, or you get seriously ill or you get to the point
of being seriously burnt out where you just can’t cope with everyday life. I’ve
seen people have an absolute meltdown, simply because they’ve ignored the self
care, they’ve not been taking breaks, and they’ve not been managing their
stress. So please don’t allow yourself to get to that state.
Think about it. Now. If you want to live your happiest healthiest
life, and I want to live a long life, but it’s important to me that it’s a long
and happy, healthy life. You know, I’m 60 now I’m in my midlife, I want to think I’ve got many years ahead of me, but I want those years ahead of me to be joyful, in good health, and not living with illness and not living with stress. So I want to do everything that I can to prevent that. And part of that is scheduling time in my diary for me. Time for self care, because I know what happens if I don’t – other priorities take over.
We’re busy, life sometimes throws challenges our way, things happen. And often before
you know it, it’s Sunday night again and another week has gone by. I can’t believe we’re in September already, most of this year has passed. This year has flown by for me, I don’t know if you’re the same.
It’s a good time to take stock and think about what what’s working for you in your life and what’s not working. Give yourself some credit for the things that you’ve achieved. Don’t be so hard on yourself. When we look at our to do list out we always look at the things we’d like to achieve. But remember all the things that you have achieved already. And be proud of yourself. Be proud of the person that you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are doing
great, I really believe that.
But if you are anything like me, I’m a busy person, I’m also getting quite forgetful. And I also find it sometimes that I get a do a task, and it takes me much longer than I thought it was going to do. So for me, it really helps me to plan and to schedule and to book in the time for my self care. So, I said to you, I’m going to the gong bath on Thursday, I’m going to book it,
I’m going to pay for it in advance, I will set a little reminder that’s going to ping on my
mobile phone and tell me where I’m going. I’m a bit old school do like a paper diary as well. So I’ve written it in my paper diary as well. So hopefully I’m not going to forget.
So I’ve got all these reminders to tell me where I am going on Thursday afternoon. It’s booked in, it is non negotiable. It’s happening.
Every week I want to plan in activities that my future self will thank me for, taking breaks, doing some exercise, stress management, learning new things, new experiences, along with drinking lots of water and eating healthy food, these are all things that are helping me plan for a long and healthy life ahead.
I’ve given you three top tips there for stress management. there’s so many new things that we can all try. And I’m going to be sharing with you my new experiences, but I’d love to hear from you as well if you’ve got new experiences that you try and that you enjoy, that you think will be helpful for other people, let me know about them. I’d appreciate that.
My last tips was scheduling some time just for you, for self care.
How would it be if you just treated yourself like somebody who is really
important? Because guess what my love you are? I’m always here for you. Please
reach out to meet you and get in touch with me. You know where I am at
confidence after cancer.co.uk ping me a message get in touch. I’d love to hear
from you. Have an absolutely fabulous week and I will speak to very soon.
Thanks for reading. Stay safe, stay sane!
Gabby x
I’d love to send you a free gift – from my heart to your heart –
click below to get my book, Confidence after Cancer:Click here to
get your free book
Talkin’ to myself and feelin’ old Sometimes I’d like to quit, nothin’ ever seems to fit Hangin’ around Nothin’ to do but frown Rainy days and Mondays always get me down What I’ve got, they used to call the blues Nothin’ is really wrong, feelin’ like I don’t belong Walkin’ around Some kind of lonely clown Rainy days and Mondays always get me down The Carpenters
I’m all about learning to dance in the rain, but when it’s wet and gloomy, it can be hard to stay cheerful all the time.
Living with rainy weather for extended periods can sometimes affect our mood and overall well-being if we allow it to. But remember we can choose how we respond to things outside of our control, like the weather and there are several strategies you can try to help improve your mood and make the most of rainy days:
Change Your Perspective: Instead of viewing rainy days as gloomy, try to see the beauty in the rain. The sound of raindrops, the fresh scent in the air, and the lush greenery can all be quite soothing.
Indoor Activities: Rainy days can be a great opportunity to engage in indoor activities you enjoy, such as reading, painting, playing musical instruments, cooking, or watching movies.
Practice Mindfulness: Use the rainy days as a chance to practice mindfulness and meditation. The sound of rain can provide a calming backdrop for your mindfulness exercises.
Stay Active: Even if the weather is not ideal for outdoor activities, you can still stay active indoors. Try doing yoga, stretching exercises, or even dancing to your favourite music.
Create Coziness: Make your indoor space cosy and inviting. Use soft lighting, comfortable blankets, and warm beverages to create a comfortable atmosphere.
Enjoy Comfort Food: Rainy days can be a great excuse to indulge in comfort foods like soup, hot chocolate, or your favourite warm dishes.
Connect with Others: Reach out to friends and family for virtual hangouts, phone calls, or even play online games together. Socialising can help lift your spirits.
Read or Learn: Use the time indoors to catch up on reading, start a new book, or take an online course to learn something new.
Practice Gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of rainy days. Practice gratitude by listing things you appreciate or things you can do because of the rain. I try and remember to be grateful for my cosy little home.
Embrace Self-Care: Treat yourself to self-care activities like taking a long bath, doing a skincare routine, or practicing relaxation techniques.
Plan Indoor Projects: Use the time indoors to work on projects you’ve been putting off, like organizing your space, decluttering, or starting a creative project.
Exercise and Movement: If you have space, consider doing indoor workouts or yoga to boost your mood and energy levels.
Listen to Music or Nature Sounds: Play music that matches your mood or listen to nature sounds like rain or thunderstorms, which can be surprisingly calming.
Practice Hygge: Embrace the Danish concept of hygge, which is all about creating a cosy and comfortable atmosphere. Light candles, use soft textures, and enjoy simple pleasures.
Look Forward: Plan activities or outings you enjoy for when the weather improves. Having something to look forward to can boost your mood.
“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” – Dolly Parton
Remember that it’s normal to have days when the weather affects your mood, but trying out these strategies can help you make the most of rainy days and maintain a positive outlook. If you find that your mood is consistently impacted by the weather, consider speaking to a coach, or a qualified mental health professional for additional support.
So thank you so much for reading
Stay safe and stay sane!
Gabby x
I’d love to send you a free gift – from my heart to your heart – click below to get my book, Confidence after Cancer:
Is it possible to make it more of a positive element in your life? Using social media for good is always my intention, as it can be a powerful tool for communication, progressive change and impact. Here are some ways you can use social media to promote positivity, awareness, and meaningful interactions:
Spread Positive Messages: Share inspirational quotes, uplifting stories, and messages of kindness. This can help create a positive and motivating atmosphere on your social media platforms.
Raise Awareness: Use your platform to raise awareness about important social, environmental, or health issues. Share informative posts, statistics, and articles to educate your followers.
Support Non-profits and Causes: Amplify the work of non-profit organisations and charitable causes by sharing their campaigns, events, and donation links. You can use your influence to encourage your followers to contribute to causes you care about.
Promote Mental Health and Well-being: Share resources, tips, and personal experiences related to mental health and self-care. Create a supportive space where people can openly discuss these topics without stigma. Many people struggling with MH can find social media helpful, as long as it is kind.
Highlight Personal Growth: Share your journey of personal growth and learning. This can inspire others to embark on their own journeys of self-improvement.
Showcase Creativity: If you have creative talents, such as art, music, writing, or photography, use social media to showcase your work and inspire others to express themselves creatively.
Educate and Inform: Share educational content, interesting facts, and thought-provoking articles to spark conversations and increase knowledge among your followers.
Celebrate Diversity and Inclusion: Use your platform to celebrate different cultures, backgrounds, and perspectives. Promote inclusivity and tolerance in your posts and interactions.
Amplify Voices: Share stories, experiences, and perspectives from marginalized or underrepresented communities. This can help amplify voices that often go unheard.
Provide Support: Offer a listening ear and provide support to those who may be struggling. Engage in meaningful conversations and offer resources or advice when appropriate.
Share Acts of Kindness: Highlight acts of kindness happening in your community or around the world. This can inspire others to pay it forward and spread positivity.
Use Responsible Content Sharing: Before sharing any content, verify its accuracy and legitimacy. Avoid spreading misinformation or harmful content.
Engage Constructively: Engage in respectful and constructive discussions. Avoid online conflicts and focus on fostering understanding, even when you encounter differing opinions.
Organise Online Events: Host webinars, Q&A sessions, or virtual fundraisers to engage your followers and promote important causes.
Limit Self-Promotion: While it’s okay to share your experience and your achievements, avoid excessive self-promotion. Balance your content by also focusing on content that benefits others.
Remember that social media is a powerful tool, and the impact you make largely depends on your approach and consistency. By using your platform responsibly and thoughtfully, you can contribute to a more positive and meaningful online environment.
My view is that Social Media is neither good or bad, it all depends on how you use it. Be mindful of the impact that looking at it has on you, is it positive? Do you feel better after catching up on it? Or does it ever invoke negative feelings? It so it might be time to think about a ‘digital detox’, spending time away from it, or unfollowing people who make you feel bad.
What do you think?
I’d love to send you a free gift – from my heart to your heart – click below to get my book, Confidence after Cancer:
A recurring theme, both for me and people I talk to is Overwhelm. Life can often seem just too difficult. And does it feel sometimes like you’re too busy? I want to share some tips with you that have worked for me and have worked for people that I know. And as always, there’s no judgement here. I’m not here to tell you what to do. I’m here to share my experience, share some things that have worked, and I’m hoping will help you as well.
What strange times we are living in, I cannot tell you over the last week, I’ve had some personal challenges, which I’m not going to go into. But I’ve been speaking to so many people who are telling me they don’t know what’s going on. I’ve got a friend who is a healer, an absolutely beautiful soul. She is somebody that’s been a mentor to me, someone that I really look up to, who inspires me, somebody’s got so many gifts. She told me that she’d done something this week that was really out of character for her, she said that she found herself, almost like an out of body experience listening to herself ranting and she said, ‘I was like the exorcist!’. She knew she was not being rational, she just completely lost her temper, and I know that might be like a bit extreme. But I also know other people that have said to me, ‘I’m not quite sure what’s going on this week. I’ve also had a strange week, I felt very emotional, I felt very angry, I felt very frustrated’. And I can relate to that I really can. And I think sometimes we all just need to take that little step back. And that’s why the subject of this week is are you too busy and overwhelmed with life?
If you are, we know there’s a lot of things in the world we know we cannot control. I’m looking out of my window now. And an absolute storm has just started. It’s come out of nowhere, when I started writing it was bright sunshine, and now this really heavy rain has come out of nowhere. And that’s life isn’t it? things will come out of nowhere, things will knock you off kick off centre, things will knock you off your path that you’re on and things that you think you knew, may get challenged.
I’m not even going to talk about financial stuff, environmental stuff. There’s a lot of crazy stuff going on in the world, things happening that we cannot always control, you may be able to influence it in our own little way or, or in big way, depending on what our role is. But for the most part, the what’s goes on in the world around us we cannot control but what we can control is our inner world and how we respond.
And I talk about this a lot with cancer patients, but it applies to anybody whether you’ve had an illness or not, you can’t control if you get that diagnosis that’s out of your hands. But what you can control to degree is how you respond to it. And I think that to me, that’s part of my personal growth, and it’s part of my journey that I’m on, I’m 60 years old now and I’m still learning stuff, I’m still learning things about myself, that I’m not really happy with, things that I’d like to improve, mistakes that I’ve made that I’m looking back and realising I could have done better – while trying not to beat myself up. I’m trying to show myself some compassion. And I invite you to do the same as well. We all make mistakes, that is the human condition. What we can do, though, is to try and spread some positivity. And that’s what I’m here to do. I’m going to give you my top tips, and things that have worked for me that helped me when I’m overwhelmed.
Start your day well
The first thing I would invite you to do is first thing in the morning, instead of checking your phone, check your heart. How are you feeling inside? How’s your mood? What are you thinking about? What are you looking forward to?
If everything is getting just too much, sometimes it just helps to look to the day ahead, plan the day ahead as best you can to have a good day. So, what can you do that’s going to make you have a good day? It can be something really simple like a lovely cup of coffee, or chat with a friend, watching a nice film or an uplifting video or listening to some music. Just a small thing that you can just do for yourself, maybe just sitting and breathing for five minutes.
How do you assess your own worth?
In the past I have assessed my worth by my status at work, or my bank balance, or how many things I ticked off my ‘to do’ list. Some people assess their worth by how many likes they get on social media. And I think that’s a really dangerous road to go down. Because you can’t control that, yes, it’s great. If your friends like what you’re doing. Yes, it’s great if you’ve got followers if that’s what you’re into. But that doesn’t make you worthy. And if you don’t get those likes, and you don’t get those followers, that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy.
So check in with your heart, your heart always knows what’s best for you. And if you need somebody to talk to, and work through that, speak to a coach, speak to a therapist speak to me, you know where I am.
Let It Go!
The next thing I would suggest that can help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed, is to let stuff go. And that can be mental stuff that you’re carrying around, you know, ‘she said this’, and ‘he did that’ and all the stuff that we carry around, find a way to let that go. Talking therapies can be helpful here. But so can just doing something that gets your brain to focus on a different subject. Getting outside in nature, or doing some exercise can help you let stuff go.
But also letting go of physical stuff can be so empowering and nurturing for you. I am a huge fan of Feng Shui, of decluttering, of having good energies in your home. And a top tip I would give you is if you are overwhelmed by the clutter that’s in your home, just start a box or a bag for charity shop. I like to always keep one in my car. And if you’re overwhelmed, and you don’t want to spend a lot of time decluttering your home, just do a little bit every day. Five minutes, just let three things go every day. If you’d let three things go every day out of your home, clothes that don’t fit and you don’t wear, pens that don’t work, maybe cutlery in the drawer that never gets used. If you got rid of three things every day over a year, that’s over 1000 items. And what you’re doing is expanding the energy and the space that you’ve got around you.
I know how good I feel when I’ve done a really good wardrobe declutter. It’s so much easier to get rid of everything that doesn’t fit you, everything you’ve not worn for over a year. Everything that’s seen better days, anything that you’re not really in love with anymore, let it go, give it give it to charity, if it’s still in good condition. And what you have got left, you can organize much better when you have less stuff, and you can see what you’ve actually got to wear.
If you really want to get stuck into it a really thorough decluttering, set a day aside for that. But if I don’t have time to do that, I like to have short bursts of tidying and decluttering, I like to set a timer, and for 20 minutes, it’s easy to focus, and it can be surprising how much you can achieve with a concentrated effort. I decide that I’m going to tidy my desk, or I’m going to clean and organize my makeup bag, whatever it is, that always gives me clarity. It gives me a little bit of control, stops that feeling of overwhelm dragging me down.
Get Over Yourself
Over analysing, over thinking and over reacting are all huge energy drains. Get over yourself. And what does that mean? Well, we all do it and I’m guilty of this over analysing, overreacting. But also this week, I’ve been conscious of over explaining I’ve offered an apology to somebody who didn’t want to accept it, my apology was a genuine apology, I explained what happened. I’m not going to keep over explaining that is draining my energy. That apology hasn’t landed well, but that’s outside of my control. So again, I’m all about thinking about what can I control? I have to stop overthinking about that. Move on, stop over explaining stop overanalyzing what’s happened in the past, we can’t change the past. All I can do is learn the lesson, and reflect and learn.
Be Kind
My last tip I’m going to give you is something I’ve said before and I’m going to keep saying it until, until it lands because I still am still learning this lesson. And that is to be kind, especially to yourself. Be soft, bit gentle, be forgiving with yourself. You know, you’re not a machine, you are human, you may make mistakes. We all do. That doesn’t make you a bad person does it? Make some time for yourself. Give yourself some grace. If somebody’s reaching out to you reach back out to them. Be conscious of who you are spending your time with, be conscious of who you are giving your energy to. People around us sometimes underestimate how much influence they have on us. And I know that I don’t I can’t bear to watch the news on TV anymore. It’s just bad news, dragging you down, negative energy. I would much rather watch something on YouTube I follow a number of people who inspire me people who have something interesting to say, I can have a cup of coffee or a cup of tea and sit and watch something that lifts my spirit, not drag it down.
I hope this is useful for you, and helps you to come back to the lovely person that you are before what life wore you down.
Be kind to the people that love you and the people that you love. Get more of that in your life. Reach out to me if I can help you with anything. But please remember this week, the most important thing is to be kind, especially to yourself, you deserve it. Crazy times in the world. But how do we change that? And I think we change that by being kind to ourselves to others starting ripples of kindness around the world. I really believe that’s how we change the world. Love is always stronger than hate. We can do this we can get through these difficult times and I’m always here for you. So thank you so much for listening to me. You know where I am confidence after cancer.co.uk
Reach out to me if I can help you, I’d love to connect with you.
Stay safe and stay sane
Gabby x
I’d love to send you a free gift – from my heart to your heart – click below to get my book, Confidence after Cancer:
This week, I’m cracking open the truth about self-care—it’s not selfish!
I’ll be dishing out some easy, practical advice to fit self-care into your daily routine.
I’ve got some advice on how to sidestep those energy drainers to balance your life better.
Let’s learn how to prioritise our well-being. After all, we owe it to ourselves!
Self Care is something I’ve talked about before. But it’s a topic that comes up time and time again, when people are reaching out to me for help. Many people are reaching out and saying, Yeah, I know, I should be doing more for self care, but I just don’t do it. So why don’t we do it? And why is it so difficult for us to do? So I’m going to touch on that this week, I’ll give you some practical tips you can, as always, you can pick and choose, you can decide what you want to do, what you don’t want to do. But I do hope that you find something here that I’m going to talk about that’s useful for you and something you can put into practice. Self Care for many of us, particularly women is something that we’ve got out of the habit of over the years. And a lot of women that I speak to are similar age to me, we’re in midlife, you know, maybe we’ve had busy jobs, maybe we run a home. Maybe we brought up families, and for many years, it almost has become a habit of putting other people first, and we sort of come second. And for a lot of people, it takes a serious health diagnosis to stop, realise what’s going on realise that there’s something not right and realise, actually, you’ve got a chance now to do something about this.
Three tips for starting the day well.
One of the biggest tips I can give you is to plan to start your day well. You know that saying ‘ Fail to plan, then plan to fail’ – I’ve done it myself – set off with an agenda or a list of tasks, and find that before I know it, the day has gone, and I’ve achieved nothing. I’ve found if you start your day well you can start changing some of those habits. I’ve got three tips for you of how I start my day well, and I am not particularly morning person, it takes me a little while to come around in the morning, I don’t like to talk too much. I don’t like to make too many decisions. So what I do to start my day well is start the night before. And for me, that means planning what I’m going to do first thing in the morning, if I’m going to do some exercise, I’m going to lay out my exercise clothes, get my running shoes out and then I am good to go in the morning. I’ve got my water bottle ready, clean and ready to be filled, and left next to my earphones,so I’m not searching around before I start my day. I already know what I’m going to do, where I’m going to go, what I’m going to wear, I’ve already decided that the night before. So that’s one decision taken care of.
The second top tip that somebody’s given me that I find really useful is not to look at my phone first thing in the morning. So many people I know, the first thing they do when they open their eyes is look at their phone. And if you’re not careful, you just get sucked into either scrolling social media or looking at the news, which is never very good news, to be honest. But also you just straightaway are sucked into into other people’s agenda, information coming into your head that maybe you don’t need. So now, I like to take a bit of time, and a bit of space for me. And the first thing I really want to look at in the morning is the sky. Now luckily, in Manchester recently, we’ve had some really nice weather. So it’s been nice to get outside. Even just step into back garden, just step outside the front door. Look at the blue sky, if it’s a blue sky. It has been raining a few days this week. But whatever the weather start the day by just looking outside. If you can go for a walk, getting to nature, just 5 or 10 minutes makes me feel great a lot better than just sitting, hunched over a phone or hunched over a laptop scrolling social media deal.
The third top tip I can give you for starting your day well is to start with a nice drink. And for me, I like hot water with lemon, there’s lots of theories behind what lemon does for you, it’s cleansing, it’s rehydrating, it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I’m making a very positive choice to put something good into my body to start the day with.
Dealing with drains on your energy.
But I really wanted to touch on why is it so difficult for so many people to get into the habit of self care. And one of the things that somebody said this week, it really struck a nerve with me was you know, we’ve got a bucket if you like a bucket of energy, and suddenly many things can make holes in your bucket and drain that energy. And that might be it might be the job that you’re in, it might be a relationship that you’ve got, it might be worries that you’ve got hanging over you. It might be commitments that you’ve already got that you feel you can’t get out of. But all of these things are draining away your energy draining away your bucket of self care that you need to replenish for you to keep yourself well.
So if you can take some time to just think about what are the drains on your energy? What is taking time and energy away from you and your self care? It will be different for everybody. Some of the common themes are, spending your evenings slumped in front of the TV watching things that are really not very good for you. Now there’s no judgement here. I’m not saying don’t watch TV. I like to watch TV get into especially a thriller or an interesting story. I’m just saying be mindful of what you’re watching and ask if that helping you to create the life that you want? If you’re really enjoying what you’re doing, do it.
As much as I love staying connected with friends and family on social media, it can be a double edged sword, It can be such a drain on your time. And I don’t know if you’ve ever gone on to social media for five minutes, and found yourself there two hours later, just scrolling through looking at goodness knows what, going down all sorts of rabbit holes, looking at things, and that’s okay if it makes you feel good, and lifts your energy. But ask yourself, how does it make you feel?
Self-care is an obligation to yourself and health.
Self care will mean different things to different people, we all know the things we should be doing that maybe you’re not making time for. Often people will say ‘ I haven’t got time to exercise’ or ‘ I haven’t got time to cook a healthy meal’ or whatever it is that they know they need to do, but life has got in the way. I’m not judging you, I’m saying, take some time to think about your week ahead. Think about your self care, if you’re not feeling particularly well, this is crticial. Or if you are feeling well, are you storing up problems for the future? Your self care is really important. And if you acknowledge that, then how about making some conscious decisions to schedule in some time for your self care? It could be doing whatever gives you pleasure, it could be booking for a massage, it could be going for a nice walk, it could be meeting with a friend who you know uplifts you and makes you smile, who makes you feel good. This is not about obligations to others , this is about honouring an obligation to yourself, and to your health and to your well being. So scheduling some time for yourself care can be a wonderful thing to do. I am a busy person, and for a lot of busy people. Self Care is always the bottom of the list of things to do. There maybe other things that you think are more important. But actually you can’t look after other people, you can’t do all the things that you want to do if you’re not looking after yourself, if you are not replenishing your energy. And for me, it starts with self care.
Self-care is not selfish. YOU are an important person.
Think about when you spend time limit certain people as well. How do you feel? How does your energy feel when you’re around them? Is it good energy? Are they uplifting you? Are they adding something to your life? Or are they draining you? If their energy is draining you, then you’ve got choices, you don’t have to spend time with anybody you don’t want to. You don’t have to do a lot of things that we think we have to you might say, ‘I’m in a job and I have to be in that job, I’ve got no choice’.
But really you could choose to take a different job, you could choose to react in a different way to your job, you could choose to have a conversation with somebody at your job about whatever it is that’s making you unhappy.
You are somebody who’s really important. And if you’ve got into the habit of not making time for yourself care, then I’m inviting you to join me this week and just practice some little new habits of self care. Think about things that uplift you inspire you give you energy, and it could be just listening to a lovely piece of music. I watched the Glastonbury festival on television last week, and watching the wonderful Cat Stevens, his set just lifted my spirits, and reminded me that I’ve not listened to his music for a long time. And so I was just making the bed the other day in the bedroom and cleaning the bedroom, tidying up while listening to Cat Stevens music, calm and beautiful songs, and how it lifted my soul, it made me feel so good!. So I managed to turn my housework and chores into a beautiful space for me. And for me that was a form of self care.
Lighting a candle just taking five minutes for yourself that can be a form of self care. Just taking yourself out with the busyness and the hamster wheel of life that we all get on and I did. I’m including myself in this. I’m not perfect.
But this week, remember, self care isn’t selfish. You are an important person. I’m here for you if you are struggling with self care, please reach out to me. I’d always love to hear from you. Let me know what you’re doing for yourself care. And I’m just going to let you know this weekend. I’ve been blessed with a a short break to the seaside.
We went to Whitby, and it was so good, coastal walks with Paul, my husband, a perfect get away from our lives in the city. Just looking at the sea is self care for me, being out in nature, being out in the fresh air, and enjoying time to eat and talk. And Paul found some fossils on the beach, which made us both marvel at the beauty of nature.
So thank you so much for reading
Stay safe and stay sane!
Gabby x
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Quite often people will say after cancer treatment ends, ‘I was thought I was doing really well, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, boom! – an event, or something in the news will shake me, and take me back to a dark place’
A couple of things have happened this week that have really made me reflect on this. And first one was the death of somebody I didn’t know and had never met, Jacqueline Gold an amazing woman who was in the public eye, who died of breast cancer after a long battle. I know several other cancer survivors will relate to this. When you see somebody well known who you think has got a seemingly wonderful life, maybe they’re rich, famous, good looking , and they look like they have a perfect life (even though we know there’s no such thing) And then they become very ill, or they sadly die from cancer, that can be such a jolt to your system.
A stark reminder, as if we needed it, that cancer is everywhere, it doesn’t discriminate and money can’t cure it.
I think part of the problem is we see people in the public domain, and we know so much about their personal life, sometimes it’s almost as if we know them. I remember when Princess Diana died, and that really affected me, I felt I knew more about her family and personal life and about her children than I do with a lot of my close friends. And so it’s not that surprising to think that when somebody in the public eye dies, it can have such a profound effect on us.
Unfortunately illness and untimely deaths are all woven into life’s rich tapestry. Sadly, some people that we know, will die way before their time, before they make it what we consider old age, which is always sad but at least feels like the ‘right’ time, like they had enough years on this earth.
But where do we go with that? And how can we stop that from completely derailing us? How do we stop those feelings that can lead us into a spiral of dark thoughts and depression?
What can we do really to protect ourselves from becoming overwhelmed by these feelings?
Hello there, I hope this finds you well. This week, I’m going to talk about a subject I’ve posted about before, which is stress management. I’ve talked before about how for cancer
prevention and looking after yourself after a cancer diagnosis, managing your stress is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. If you are a cancer survivor, as most of my readers are, none of us probably know exactly what caused our cancer. But you can bet your life most people I speak to will tell me at some point in the run up to their diagnosis, or the way they’ve been living for months, maybe sometimes years before a diagnosis, stress was playing
a major part in that. So for me, as part of my recovery plan, I’m very conscious of the fact I need to manage my stress, and I must not allow myself to get stressed out anymore (I’m human and some days are easier than others I will be honest)
Gabby Mottershead 